00:00:24:09 - 00:00:53:04
Jennifer Loehding
Welcome to another episode of Behind the Dreamers. I'm your host, Jennifer Loading. And we are talking to the achievers, the creators, the magic makers and the dreamers. These are our friends. These are your friends. And they are living the extraordinary. Well, I'm so excited about my guest today. We're going to be getting into the world of college athletics and the nuances of the recruitment process, guided by the insights of someone who has lived and breathed this dynamic environment for nearly 15 years.

00:00:53:13 - 00:01:10:03
Jennifer Loehding
These individuals only witness the highs and lows of the competitive field, but it's also faced personal challenges that tested his resilience and determination. So if you guys are going to get to hear from him in just a few minutes. But before we do that, we need to do a quick shout out to our sponsor. This episode is brought to you by Walton House Productions.

00:01:10:09 - 00:01:35:14
Jennifer Loehding
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00:01:35:14 - 00:02:04:04
Jennifer Loehding
Walt Mills leverages years of skills to give you the spotlight you deserve. Want to learn more about Walt and his work head on over to Walt Mills Productions dot net and let your content shine. All right. So with that, we get to meet our guests. We are excited to meet Jared Zeidman, the author of Nail the Recruiting Process and a former full time college athletic coach who made the bold decision to prioritize his health following a severe COVID 19 complication.

00:02:04:13 - 00:02:17:21
Jennifer Loehding
Now, as a consultant, Jared brings a wealth of experience to college coaches and high school athletes alike, aiming to build successful programs and navigate the recruitment landscape. So welcome to the show, Jared. I am so excited to have you here today.

00:02:18:06 - 00:02:20:09
Jared Zeidman
Thank you so much for having me, Jennifer. I appreciate it.

00:02:20:17 - 00:02:44:17
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah, this is the only formality of this show. Now we get to have the real fun because I don't have to write anything any longer, so I'm excited. Great. Right. So let's jump into this because you are now coaching and helping potential athletes come into the college athletics phase. And so tell us a little bit about I know, I know you've shared your journey and I kind of touched upon it.

00:02:45:02 - 00:02:47:13
Jennifer Loehding
Tell us a little bit about how you got here and what you're doing.

00:02:47:22 - 00:03:14:21
Jared Zeidman
Sure. We will do the we'll do the algebra for an interesting college experience. Plus my real world experience, plus COVID equals now is basically what I would say. So I actually went to college to be a sports broadcaster. That's what I wanted to do. I podcast it and wrote for several years after college, even through going to grad school on a scholarship where I was very lucky to begin working with an actual sports team.

00:03:14:21 - 00:03:35:20
Jared Zeidman
So I was kind of doing both things at the same time, took a regular job and just realized how much I missed basketball and how much. Even though I like writing and doing the media stuff, it wasn't filling my cup the same way, so I got unbelievably lucky. And you know, everybody is everybody's journey. Jennifer's a little different.

00:03:36:04 - 00:03:56:12
Jared Zeidman
I would say my journey is definitely the silliest. I was literally playing pickup in my place of work with the women's basketball team at Union College, and about a week before the season started, they were like, Hey, do you want to like be a practice player for our team and like maybe help coach? And I remember saying to one of them, like, that's definitely not how this works like that.

00:03:56:12 - 00:04:18:15
Jared Zeidman
So I don't think that you just get to make that call. Hilariously, they ask the coach, the coach and I end up talking that coach Mary Ellen Barrett, the winningest coach in the history of Union College, ends up being the most significant mentor of my life and and flash forward ten years later, I've gone from volunteer assistant to associate head coach.

00:04:18:23 - 00:04:44:06
Jared Zeidman
She let me be the standing head coach of the team for the final three years of her career, trying to grow me and take me to the next level. I was fortunate enough to get a D1 coaching job after that, working at Kansas University with another incredible mentor and friend in Suhani Sabe. So I got this coaching thing really figured out and the common thread every step of the way for me, Jennifer was recruiting.

00:04:44:21 - 00:05:05:17
Jared Zeidman
I'm a big relationship person. I wanted people to know that there's more to me than basketball, and I wanted them to know that even on their worst day as a basketball player, there was more to them. And that really helped me bond with a lot of people in this field. So 2022, I get covered. I end up becoming one of those, quote unquote long haulers.

00:05:07:15 - 00:05:31:04
Jared Zeidman
It was a shocking thing to take place for me in the moment, but the community of basketball coaches had my back. So now all of a sudden, these things I used to do come back. I'm part time broadcasting games for ESPN three and ESPN, plus thanks to an incredible friend Matt. I am still helping Canisius out and watching and you know, have a relationship with them and with Sahar and the rest of the staff.

00:05:31:19 - 00:05:52:08
Jared Zeidman
And then I have this opportunity to follow the thing I'm most passionate about, which is recruiting and addressing some big disconnects in the process and trying to get better information out there. So would I like to return to coaching? Yes. Hopefully there will be another part of the equation added down the line, but for now I find what I'm doing to be super fulfilling and I'm sure we'll talk about more of it.

00:05:52:14 - 00:06:07:11
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah, absolutely. Well, and first of all, I will say you are definitely great behind the microphone. So, you know, I feel like all the I had several episodes yesterday where I think two of them went to school and thought they were going to be journalists. They weren't. That's what they weren't. They wanted to be in journalism did that.

00:06:07:18 - 00:06:19:05
Jennifer Loehding
And then they were like, there's no money. And then they realize they didn't want to do it. But I always love my people who have done some kind of journalism because they're very good behind the microphone. They're like, really good. So I don't want to tell you, you.

00:06:19:05 - 00:06:24:15
Jared Zeidman
Have a great worksheet that and it is definitely paid dividends as I've made this turn.

00:06:24:23 - 00:06:41:10
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah. So fun so far. Yeah. And I think it's interesting you know, like how you talked about you were doing this and then you kind of moved into their coaching and they kind of went back to the broadcasting again. And here you are doing the work. They all sort of over a lap really with your personality and your strengths, I think.

00:06:41:10 - 00:06:59:14
Jennifer Loehding
And I think that's what's really nice about when you look at people's journeys, even though they sort of say they're never linear really. But if you start to connect the dots, you see where it's like a bin diagram, sort of you start seeing where everything overlaps, right? Like something you did here overlaps with what you're doing now. And then something here comes over to here.

00:06:59:20 - 00:07:09:12
Jennifer Loehding
And so I think the common thread when you look at all of these things for you is probably been your ability to communicate and build relationships or some thread between those different things.

00:07:09:15 - 00:07:31:14
Jared Zeidman
And I think you nailed it. And again, you sort of can't control these things as they're happening in real time. But in hindsight, boy, am I fortunate that those were two things that I was really passionate about that, you know, if there's another coach that I know that's making a big run, I'm always checking in with them and calling them and encouraging them and cheering them on.

00:07:31:14 - 00:07:55:05
Jared Zeidman
And you get older and you realize not everyone keeps connections like that. And I was very like, I can tell you based exactly on what you just said, Jennifer, the most humbling part of my life, honestly, was last April 20, 23, I publicly announced that I was going to step away indefinitely from coaching just to figure out what was going on with him medically and listen to my doctors.

00:07:55:14 - 00:08:27:19
Jared Zeidman
And I didn't really have a timeline. I was so blown away by the responses that I got. And, you know, I never checked in on other people and cared for other people as a quid pro quo. There was never intention. I just was excited for them and to know that this many people had my back and wanted to help out, it made me really grateful to your point for that Venn diagram that every single experience I had, they were all actually a part of me and things that no one else actually forgot.

00:08:27:22 - 00:08:37:22
Jared Zeidman
And that is so, so important for any young person listening. You are your experiences and you wear them with you. Even after that initial experience is long gone.

00:08:38:08 - 00:09:03:10
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah. No. And you know what? I think relationships are so important and I think the younger that you I think the younger you understand that, the better. Because no matter what you do, I you know, I tell my kids all the time, you don't want to you don't want burn bridges because relationships are important. And sometimes those people you circle back around and you run into those people in another endeavor or there's a reason they come back and your life, you never know.

00:09:03:10 - 00:09:21:18
Jennifer Loehding
And so I think you really hit on something really good there. And I lost you because we got that Internet blitz, and I went, What if it's all good? It's okay. But no, I think it's great. And I think, you know, you've found your talent and you found your strengths and your gifts and you're capitalizing on that, which is really good.

00:09:21:18 - 00:09:49:08
Jennifer Loehding
And so I think I think that's an awesome thing. There was something I was going to mention, oh, when we were talking about your health, when you said that you had to step down indefinitely, and I wanted to say something on that because I not that I can say, I understand what you were going through or that I could say, I know how you feel, but I understand and can resonate with that when you've got something and you don't know when that end is going to be, when your health becomes your priority and you can't really think beyond getting better in that moment.

00:09:49:08 - 00:09:51:12
Jennifer Loehding
Right? Like that's the priority.

00:09:52:23 - 00:10:22:05
Jared Zeidman
Yeah. And you know, I know we talked a little bit a couple of weeks back and I think something we have in common is even if our feelings and our emotions weren't exactly the same, there's an experience that unites us and I'm learning. There's an experience that sort of unites me with a lot of people in this space, which is something happens that you have absolutely zero control over, but that thing that you have no control over also impacts the things that you do have control, right?

00:10:22:19 - 00:10:43:23
Jared Zeidman
And you have to make this mental shift because, you know, you kind of get taught by people with the best intentions to control the things you can control. And now all of a sudden, you're kind of sitting back and, oh, wait a minute, I can't really control anything right now. What do we do? Yeah, and I can tell you, for me, being a coach, Jennifer helped me.

00:10:44:11 - 00:11:05:20
Jared Zeidman
I'll give you an example. There's a young lady who I think is extremely talented that had an injury that took her away from the team for a season while she had to recover from the injury. And I think over the course of this year she learned how much actual value. She added to the team aside from her actual play.

00:11:06:10 - 00:11:26:16
Jared Zeidman
Because her energy is so important, the love she gives her teammates is so important, her talk is so important and I think I was able to harness a lot of the coaching conversations I've had with younger people and say, Hey, remember, there's you as a person before you're a basketball player, before you're an athlete, before you're a worker, there's you.

00:11:27:00 - 00:11:34:14
Jared Zeidman
The things that make you you are what make you good at these other things. And I'm just fortunate that my experience led me to be able to kind of coach myself like that.

00:11:35:04 - 00:12:00:07
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah. And even then I think, you know, I was talking to somebody yesterday that was an athlete is what I always love talking to my athletes and people that are in that space because there are so many parallels and we were really talking about learning to fail. And I think that sometimes we associate when we have setbacks like that as sort of being kind of a failure in a way, because it's something that happens that impairs our ability to do the things that are important to us.

00:12:00:07 - 00:12:14:06
Jennifer Loehding
Right. But they're not really some of these things are out of our control. And I think sometimes failing is too, you know, and I think these are good skills that we learn that we can carry over. And the more that we go through these things, I think the tougher you get and the more equipped you get to do the next thing you know.

00:12:14:11 - 00:12:35:11
Jennifer Loehding
But I will tell you, with with sickness, I always say this, the thing I don't know about you, but for me, when I'm going through it, I fear not getting better. And I think, oh, my gosh, like, is this what it's like when you get older? Because like, you just give up, like you get tired of being sick and you're just like, I want to get better, you know, like when you're in that forever, you know, like that.

00:12:35:13 - 00:12:51:09
Jennifer Loehding
That's what sometimes I think goes through your mind. But I think it does teach you some great resilience. And I think, like you said, having your coaching background, it allows you to get through these things a little quicker and a little with more finesse, I guess is the word I'm looking for.

00:12:51:09 - 00:13:22:05
Jared Zeidman
Right. Jennifer, you actually just made a really important point that I think is important to not sugarcoat. Like, yeah, anyone that's listening, you should not assume, even for a moment, that there aren't really dark nights and really like pervasive thoughts, especially when you're in, you know, your hardest times and I think what I would say is I'm so grateful for the all the life experiences that I've had and the support network that I've cultivated that helped me through those moments.

00:13:22:05 - 00:13:44:18
Jared Zeidman
And, you know, to have something that is, you know, especially, you know, in my space starting to catch some traction with the project that I'm working on right now, being able to have something to look forward to. To your point, Jennifer, when you really don't know, yeah, like what is tomorrow going to look like for me physically? Having some other things to look forward to can really fill your cup.

00:13:45:05 - 00:14:04:10
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah, I agree with you on that. I do. And it's great to have I think, like you've said over and over the connections because I do think it helps you get through. You know, we're social creatures and we're meant to have connections. And when you're isolating, especially, you're going through a crisis. I mean, all the years I was in Mary Kay, we used to talk about, you know, when we would we would hold weekly meetings.

00:14:04:10 - 00:14:22:10
Jennifer Loehding
And it was a typical thing when they had a lot to cheer about, they showed up, but when they weren't doing so well in their business, they wouldn't show up. And that was the time we told them they needed to be there. Right, because they needed other people to lift them up. And when they were doing great, they needed to be there for other people to lift those people up.

00:14:22:21 - 00:14:35:08
Jennifer Loehding
But they would hide when they weren't doing as well. And we knew we would always say that, you know, when you have a problem, you have a problem. But if you don't have any support, then you got even a bigger problem now because you're out on your own trying to deal with the problem. You know?

00:14:35:14 - 00:14:58:17
Jared Zeidman
So I'll tell you something very interesting because you just shared an example that really resonates with me a lot. That to me is a habit that I actually see in a lot of young people, and I'm so happy to hear you correcting them in that space because that is something we're constantly working on with young people. I'll give you a very easy example that any listener could understand.

00:14:58:17 - 00:15:20:18
Jared Zeidman
Let's just say you're a basketball player and you miss a wide open shot. I know a lot of people that because they missed that first wide open shot, they would catch the ball and be open again and be very, very reluctant to shoot it. And if you do not have teammates that say to you, hey, I trust you to make that shot.

00:15:21:00 - 00:15:41:04
Jared Zeidman
And for example, I heard in a timeout this season, I actually dropped this young lady up for her leadership. She said the worst thing that happens if you miss is I get the rebound. That's the worst thing that happened. So you shoot that ball and then, you know, to be able to go back into the game with that mindset of, okay, it's okay because I have my support system here.

00:15:42:00 - 00:15:53:06
Jared Zeidman
You're so right about that. Give and take. Jennifer And again, once you've experienced that as a person, like once somebody had your back, then you're compelled to do that for the next person and pay it forward.

00:15:53:15 - 00:16:07:17
Jennifer Loehding
Right. Good. Get a lot of points there. Okay. So let's talk about this recruitment and what you're doing with your methodology. And you're, as you mentioned, a project coming up. So maybe I don't know if this all ties together. I'm going to let you kind of take away on this part if I know you're excited.

00:16:07:17 - 00:16:29:15
Jared Zeidman
Sure. So you know what? Because because of your background, there's one part of this that you can really relate to, which is the sales component and how to sort of develop a business. So when I first started, I literally just got asked to guide a couple of high school students through the process, and I was getting very common and consistent questions and I sort of felt like I knew how to answer them.

00:16:30:16 - 00:16:59:11
Jared Zeidman
But as I looked at the resources that existed for this, it was book after book or website after website of like, I hate saying it this way, but you'll get exactly what I mean. Middle aged white guy in a sport coat holding the basketball pointing at you is the cover of the book. Okay. And my my immediate takeaway upon doing the research was if I do anything like this, it can't just be my opinion.

00:16:59:21 - 00:17:19:12
Jared Zeidman
So what I instead did was I kind of carefully crafted a survey around the pain points that these initial recruits asked me about. Then I talked to a couple of my former athletes and was just like, Hey, what are some other things you think I should check for based on parts of your process? And it ended up being a very encompassing thing.

00:17:19:12 - 00:17:48:10
Jared Zeidman
I think there is around 25 or 25 like kind of scale questions for coaches to fill out. And then I also gave coaches an opportunity to interview. I interviewed a bunch of coaches and then a bunch more players. And a lot of these interviews are ongoing because things move and shake consistently. And what I learned, Jennifer, was as opposed to like, we'll call it like typical political data where like half the country feels this way and the other half feels a different way.

00:17:48:16 - 00:18:24:18
Jared Zeidman
That is not how this process works. The coaches are sort of like a hive mind and they're all encountering sort of the same problems. And the causation of those problems is really interesting. So that right off the bat, I got the data back and I immediately was like, I got I have to write a book about this. So, so I think the thing I'm most proud of, honestly, is with the physical limitations, I basically approached writing this book like it was a six month workout plan, so 45 minutes a day we just chipped away and then six months later it was done.

00:18:24:18 - 00:18:47:07
Jared Zeidman
And I'm very excited about the book. It comes out on April 30th. That day is the day I got COVID two years ago. So it's a bit of a sort of vendetta day in my mind. I'm very excited about that. And advance copies are now out and I'm actually getting tremendous feedback from the high school coaching community and the college coaching community.

00:18:47:13 - 00:19:10:11
Jared Zeidman
And basically what I would if I were to explain the data specifically, Jennifer, it isn't just about what college coaches want and how to do the right thing to get noticed. It's also a series of incredible advice and snippets from former college athletes about how you can best use your correct fit and make sure you're finding the right place for you.

00:19:10:17 - 00:19:36:17
Jared Zeidman
So the the piece of feedback I've gotten a lot that I just love is from former college athletes that say to me, I wish I had this. So what I'm now doing, thankfully, again with that communication background is I've got the book, which is the data that sort of explains my why. And if you kind of want to know how I do things, the way I do or why I do them or what informs it, the book is a great start.

00:19:36:17 - 00:19:58:11
Jared Zeidman
It's super easy, it's accessible. I'm selling digital copies of it for $7. So really easy. And then if people want it to work with me, I'm talking to players individually, I'm talking to full teams. I'm working with coaches on how to better prepare their young athletes for college. But I'm also helping them filter because a huge part and you know this from your from your life's work.

00:19:58:19 - 00:20:24:12
Jared Zeidman
Yeah. A huge part about this is if you're stubborn about fit, you end up choosing the wrong fit. So I sometimes have, you know, tougher conversations with people where I really want them to try to find the right thing because that is also informed from the data. So that in a nutshell is what I'm up to. And I sort of again, wanting to be a sports broadcaster, I feel like a journalist because some of this stuff is definitely my opinions.

00:20:24:18 - 00:20:31:20
Jared Zeidman
But those opinions have been formed by raw data from the college coaching community entrepreneurs.

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00:21:34:04 - 00:21:55:17
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah, I think what I what I keep I keep hearing is the the research that you've done, the surveying and all of that, which I think is so important. Sometimes it's hard, you know, like when we're going out there, we're trying to get our message out there. Like I was telling somebody, you know, on a podcast that I was interviewing for, it's all of the work that I've been doing is kind of been I haven't had quite the vernacular around it.

00:21:55:17 - 00:22:14:13
Jennifer Loehding
Like I knew what it was that it was trying to do. And then I landed on some research and I'm getting certified in it right now. But it's kind of the science behind everything that I've been telling my clients, and so I'm excited behind it about it, not because it's really any different than what I've been doing, but now there's like components behind it.

00:22:14:13 - 00:22:34:09
Jennifer Loehding
So now when I get my people that are, you know, science based or need that factual information, I've got something that says, Hey, here's the science behind why you're doing and why you should do what you do. And that's what you're doing in this book is really saying, okay, this is the I've talked to all these people. This is the universal problem, the things that they're going through.

00:22:34:09 - 00:22:40:14
Jennifer Loehding
And here's things you can do to help make that easier for you. And so I like it. It's good.

00:22:40:14 - 00:23:02:20
Jared Zeidman
And to your point specifically about the validation when you do it yourself, that's actually the biggest thing I would say, rather than just give answers. I'm trying to empower young people to take more ownership and initiative in their own process so they can find the correct thing for themselves to experience what you just discussed, which is that validation of like, Oh, I was right.

00:23:03:10 - 00:23:03:15
Jennifer Loehding
Yes.

00:23:04:01 - 00:23:05:06
Jared Zeidman
I was right about this.

00:23:05:11 - 00:23:19:07
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah, it's like I was doing the right thing. I just didn't have the language. It's like I'm telling you to do these things right. I know why I'm telling you to do them. I just don't have the, like, the right word for why you're doing it, you know? And so, yes, there's that validation. I agree. But I think it's great when you do this.

00:23:19:07 - 00:23:40:21
Jennifer Loehding
I have another gal that she's kind of a psychologist. She had like many years in psychology and she she talks about showing up how we it affects our interactions with other people, which you're doing. I'm doing what we do every day way of communication. But she studies kind of the science behind. But she also, like you, goes out and actually polled people and she did this whole like questionnaire.

00:23:40:21 - 00:24:05:03
Jennifer Loehding
And one of the things she asked and I don't know, I'm not going to quote this because I'm not exactly how she said it. But the gist was she asked people if if they thought before they went into a situation about what they were going to say before, if it was going to impact somebody else. It was only like 27% of people actually thought about, you know, is my words, how they're going to affect the person that I'm talking to.

00:24:05:18 - 00:24:29:17
Jennifer Loehding
And which makes the difference in how we show up. Right, because it's not something we can always think about. But the more that we are mindful about our interactions and how we show up with other people and communicate, we get better at that. Communicate with people. And so it was a really neat talk. But the point I was trying to make is that she was out doing the work, she was talking to people, asking the questions, getting the surveys, and she continues to do it well.

00:24:29:17 - 00:25:03:08
Jared Zeidman
And Jennifer, you actually just make an incredible point. There's a very specific leadership piece. There's a phrase used by a lot of like executives that especially are managing people under them. And that phrase is intent versus impact. And a lot of times in our world, things move fast and we do things with the best of intentions, but we don't actually realize how they land until we've done them and we see the impact that we've made and I think for young people, especially to your point about, hey, are you thinking about what you say?

00:25:03:08 - 00:25:06:00
Jared Zeidman
Do you have an intentional plan here or are we just winging it?

00:25:06:06 - 00:25:06:18
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah.

00:25:07:01 - 00:25:47:21
Jared Zeidman
Best of intentions, but they don't always realize the impact that they're making. And if we can get a few more people into that calculated space, it makes such a difference. Because I would say also as a college coach, the number one piece of feedback I get from players that I've coached is we have no like we did not realize how much you actually put into this, that like every piece of this was intentional and cultivated and that like having done it, I've said the wrong thing in a locker room, particularly in my twenties like that was my figure it out hothead Jared phase and like now that I know what it looks like to shut

00:25:47:21 - 00:25:58:17
Jared Zeidman
someone down because you said the wrong thing, you have to start calculating intention versus impact or else you're never going to consistently make the right impact. So that's a really, really good call.

00:25:58:17 - 00:26:16:19
Jennifer Loehding
Jim It's good. Good to thanks for Jared for sharing that. Yeah. Because when you're you don't. Yeah, it takes practice with that. It takes a long time to be good at that. I tell you, I would probably say I was not good at that either when I was young. It's to I still have to watch what I say because you don't realize the things you say sometimes and how they impact others.

00:26:16:19 - 00:26:40:08
Jennifer Loehding
So so question I want to ask you personally, because you've had to go through adversity and now you're doing well. It seems like you're enjoying what you're doing, you're making a difference. And you know, who knows, maybe you'll get back to coaching. We hope to bring it all back full circle for you. But I would love to know from your perspective, what do you feel like you've learned the most about yourself in this journey?

00:26:40:08 - 00:26:41:00
Jennifer Loehding
Probably a lot.

00:26:41:00 - 00:27:08:06
Jared Zeidman
I'm if if if listening is your medium, you just basically take a gigantic exhale and literally look in the sky for the three different directions and decide which one I'm going to go with. I would add one. Yeah, I think I'm going to be very honest and open here because some of this stuff is very fresh with me.

00:27:08:06 - 00:27:13:23
Jared Zeidman
It is easy to become cynical sometimes. It's too easy.

00:27:14:08 - 00:27:14:16
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah.

00:27:15:05 - 00:28:03:13
Jared Zeidman
And I think the biggest thing that I've learned through this process is whatever you are looking for, you will eventually find it. If you wake up in the morning and your mindset is that you are in the dumps and the system is broken and no one is there to support you. All of those things, by the way, may be true, but if that is your attitude, you're going to go through your day and you're only going to encounter those things that validate your outlook, and then you're going to go to bed that night furious at the world.

00:28:03:13 - 00:28:21:06
Jared Zeidman
And you start of you sort of kind of have this feedback loop and I'll be the first person to tell you, Jennifer, I, I told the team I was stepping away and then there was two weeks where I was like, that's like there is no doubt in my mind. Yeah. I was like that for two weeks after that.

00:28:21:06 - 00:28:48:04
Jared Zeidman
Like seeing, seeing young adult women cry because I had to leave. Like, it put me in a very tough headspace, even though obviously everyone cared for me and wanted what was best for me, as did I. Here's the flip. I started having these very small experiences and I'm so thankful that I had the courage to try them. I called a really reputable consultant in California and said, If you were me, what would you do?

00:28:48:17 - 00:29:10:22
Jared Zeidman
I, I took the chance on just trying things that I had never tried before, and all of a sudden my mindset started to shift to, Hey, I think if I try something different, I can utilize some of my same skills and maybe I'll just find some things that work for me. And in what it felt like, honestly. Lightning Speed.

00:29:10:22 - 00:29:45:07
Jared Zeidman
Jennifer People in the community like you had mentioned before, kind of coming full circle from, from my past offering me part time assignments to help me offset disability costs, people in college basketball programs asking me for my input as a consultant and then I mean it. I've been coaching for so long, I was thrilled. I still knew how to read and write and now I have a book and you know it all had to do with what my honest energy was like in the morning.

00:29:45:22 - 00:29:46:06
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah.

00:29:46:08 - 00:30:06:11
Jared Zeidman
And if you don't mind me sharing this, because this is this is your platform, and I thank you for having me on it. But if you don't mind me sharing it, it's really hard out there for a lot of people going through illness. And I certainly don't want to other or compare the long COVID or COVID, you know, autoimmune response community with other people because that's not the point.

00:30:06:22 - 00:30:32:14
Jared Zeidman
But what I will say is, please use me as an example because I'm still not better. I have 4 hours a day that I can work. I want my life to be drastically different than it is. But thanks to the help of the people around me, I have been able to kind of wake up every morning and seek out the positive things that have affirmed the great parts of the last two years for me.

00:30:32:21 - 00:30:38:06
Jared Zeidman
And because I find those things every day, I'm very excited about waking up and tackling the next day.

00:30:39:11 - 00:30:58:14
Jennifer Loehding
And it's good. I love it. Oh my gosh. So much there. Where to sum it all up, though, when I when I hear that because it's really how you're looking at things, you know, when you get up every day. And I say that too. I tell people, you know, you made a good point that really, however we see things we're going to see things.

00:30:58:15 - 00:31:15:22
Jennifer Loehding
I say it's confirmation bias. It really is. We're going to fail. We're going to look for ways to fail. If we think we're going to succeed, we're going to look for ways to succeed. And I think when you're in the depths of that, in that whatever, whatever challenging time you're in, it is very easy to get into that mindset.

00:31:15:23 - 00:31:35:14
Jennifer Loehding
And we've kind of covered that already really. To get into that is all that there is. Is it going to be better? But at some point, yeah, you have to look at your situation and I think sometimes to people we fear because we're not the way we were, right? Like we're not able to do the things that we were able to do before and we have kind of a new normal for ourselves.

00:31:36:00 - 00:32:00:12
Jennifer Loehding
And I had a gal on a while back, she was a traumatic brain injury gal, wrote a book about it, and she was talking about that accepting the new whatever the new normal is for yourself, because there's a little bit of freeness that comes with that. So when you talk about you have 4 hours to work and I when I get that because that's kind of been my life for a while, it's like I was talking about this podcast yesterday.

00:32:00:12 - 00:32:04:00
Jennifer Loehding
I did four in a row and that's a first in a long time.

00:32:04:00 - 00:32:06:21
Jared Zeidman
Because I can't imagine how exhausting that must have been for.

00:32:06:21 - 00:32:20:11
Jennifer Loehding
You. Yeah, I cannot sit in the chair for that long because I would be like not feeling good and I'm squirming and I can't, you know, and I'm I need to go get a drink. I feel like I'm going to get my chest. Is hurting. And, you know, and so, yes, it's easy to be, like you said, to get in those spaces.

00:32:20:11 - 00:32:35:04
Jennifer Loehding
But I think you kind of hit the nail on the head when you started talking about the way you're looking at things. And at some point you have to accept that here's what I'm going through right now, how to make the best of that situation and use the strengths and the gifts that I have to do, the things that I want to do so that you can still do those things.

00:32:35:04 - 00:32:42:14
Jennifer Loehding
And I think you find family fulfillment in that when you put your energy into something that brings life to your brings life to you.

00:32:43:21 - 00:33:09:18
Jared Zeidman
And you don't realize it is this really powerful thing about human connection. You don't realize that as you do these things for yourself in complete darkness without talking to anybody else about it, everyone else can tell you you have you have no idea. And so, like, just something as silly as somebody seeing me and being like, well, you look a lot better today.

00:33:10:11 - 00:33:29:18
Jared Zeidman
And I'd be like, Oh, and then I would like kind of have a little daydream sequence about how like, Oh yeah, I actually strung together like three or four really good days. And, you know, I to those that aren't there yet in their recovery journey, I hold out hope for you and I want you to get there. I'm thinking of you.

00:33:29:18 - 00:33:52:21
Jared Zeidman
And I just believe in that manifestation that you're talking about. Jennifer and I, I've always, in a weird way, and I can I could say this to you because I think you'd get this now. It's the thing that's actually motivating me the most to ultimately return to coaching, because now that I've had this experience, I think I could do the job ten times better.

00:33:53:06 - 00:34:12:00
Jennifer Loehding
You have more empathy and more compassion. I think it does it change things like that's changed you. You know, I always say I was telling someone the other day just, you know, relationship building, you know, in the 22 years I was in Mary Kay, I mean, any time you're working with women, you're having to build relationships. So that was never really my strength.

00:34:12:00 - 00:34:38:00
Jennifer Loehding
It wasn't an area that I was really good with and people I'm might a problem keep it to yourself. I don't want to know about it. We all have it. But I think one of the things that I tell people all the time is that I've gotten much more relational, give a lot of it's come through the podcast and because I've interviewed so many people but it's so interesting, I find myself in a very different place where I tend to have more compassion, more people, or I tend to relate to people better.

00:34:38:00 - 00:34:53:19
Jennifer Loehding
I tend to ask more questions about people without assuming situations about people. I try because I want to get to know them and know because I feel like we don't know what somebody is ever walking through without asking questions. And when we assume things about people, we make judgments. And so this is a good lesson on many fronts.

00:34:54:16 - 00:34:55:09
Jared Zeidman
Oh, my God.

00:34:55:09 - 00:34:56:08
Jennifer Loehding
It runs right.

00:34:56:14 - 00:35:08:08
Jared Zeidman
Right on. Jennifer, you and I are especially good examples of this where if an unassuming person would hear the way we're talking or look at us and be like, Oh, they're doing great.

00:35:08:17 - 00:35:09:01
Jennifer Loehding
Yeah.

00:35:09:19 - 00:35:27:00
Jared Zeidman
And, you know, to be able to walk into a room and carry that additional mental space where let me ask, because we never really know it is such an important skill that I wish I understood more concretely. And it's at an earlier chapter.

00:35:27:23 - 00:35:40:19
Jennifer Loehding
Well, that's why I say I think we were we're ready to receive. You know, there were say the teacher shows up. What does the teacher arrive from? We're ready to receive kind of thing. I think we're all meant to learn things on the journey that were meant, wherever that is. But I think it's a wisdom thing. I think it's all good.

00:35:41:01 - 00:35:58:15
Jennifer Loehding
So this has been great. Jared, I appreciate all your wisdom on this and you sharing your story and being authentic and real, because I think that's what this show is about. You know, I love to talk about the successes and the wins, but I believe behind every success there is mud, there's dirt, grit, there's something. Everybody has a story.

00:35:58:22 - 00:36:15:20
Jennifer Loehding
And I think everybody's story, the pain of the story that people go through is relative to them. It may be physical baby metal. I think it's almost always mental, but, you know, there's always some element of adversity that that propels us into that next phase. And and I think that you're a better human being for what you have had to go through.

00:36:15:20 - 00:36:27:14
Jennifer Loehding
It's going to give you greater skills. And like I said, compassion, empathy. If you go back on that court, work with those girls again or wherever you end up, you're going to be way better than even if you were great. Then you're going to be way better then. So it's all good.

00:36:28:00 - 00:36:28:07
Jared Zeidman
Right?

00:36:28:18 - 00:36:46:21
Jennifer Loehding
It's all good. One last question I want to ask before we wrap. I actually got two more, but these are pretty easy anything. You said so many great things. I don't even know if we need to ask this, but any maybe like final words you want to give a college student, right? Or maybe a high school student right now getting ready to because we're coming at the end.

00:36:46:21 - 00:36:59:00
Jennifer Loehding
I know most of these they started I had a kid in there was a cross-country trip. And I know they start recruiting before they even get close to graduation. But maybe somebody right now that's getting into that space and is looking at colleges and they want a place for.

00:36:59:00 - 00:37:23:11
Jared Zeidman
Yes. DIY as much as possible. And here's here is why. And this is really, really important right now, college recruiting is and is at a crossroads. And coincidentally, we talk about intent versus impact. Before, there have been a lot of recent rule changes at the collegiate level about how college athletes can now transfer the same way that their non-athletic peers can.

00:37:23:20 - 00:37:43:13
Jared Zeidman
So I want you to get used to doing things yourself and kind of getting in that. But a little bit if if you reach out to a coach and you kind of botch the email, you learn from it, and that's okay. And you don't have to internalize that the botched email isn't you. We all make mistakes, right? But the more you do your do it yourself and the more you take ownership of it, the more resilient you become.

00:37:43:13 - 00:38:09:01
Jared Zeidman
And right now, college coaches are looking resilient people and to motivate you. Here is an incredible piece of data from the book. I asked 50 college coaches what is the lowest level of talent you'd be able to take on your team if you knew the kid you were having was going to be a captain? Like just a resilient, high attitude kid that was comfortable with the DIY parts of everything.

00:38:10:06 - 00:38:34:06
Jared Zeidman
Not only was the average response a five out of ten talent, and this is from scholarship level coaches do not only was it a five out of ten, which should be mindblowing enough. Yeah. I spoke to more than 20 coaches that have been to the NCAA tournament and won a conference to get there. So like the most successful coaches in their regions and their average response was a 4.5 out of ten.

00:38:35:06 - 00:39:00:07
Jared Zeidman
I do not think young people realize how much soft skills are valued in this process. Resilience, engagement, self-awareness. To your point Jennifer. The ability to walk in that room and just shine and raise the attitudes of others around you. It is incredibly sought after and you build those skills by doing this process yourself. So that would be my big one.

00:39:00:15 - 00:39:21:07
Jennifer Loehding
Very good. I love it. Yes. There's no yes. There's not really a way to teach soft skills, is there? It's almost like I had a guy come on that talked about that. He was he was working I think he was teaching like Spanish people or something. I can't remember what he's done since dance classes. He wrote a book on Soft skills and you never really realize what they are till you learn kind of what they are.

00:39:21:07 - 00:39:32:01
Jennifer Loehding
And you don't learn them by being taught them. You just learn them by going through the process of doing things. And then you realize, Oh, that was a leadership skill or that was a, you know, communication. That was I mean, yeah.

00:39:32:08 - 00:39:36:12
Jared Zeidman
So 100% experiential learning, 100%.

00:39:36:12 - 00:39:50:00
Jennifer Loehding
I think everything is like that, is it not. Do it yourself. This is I learned like when we were when I was American, we should talk about like, you know, do your taxes so you know how to do your taxes do the call. You know how to do the cause. You know all the pieces. You got to do them.

00:39:50:00 - 00:40:12:22
Jennifer Loehding
So you understand. And then you can delegate them. Once you learn them, you can start with your skill. So you need more of those good stuff. All right, Jared. So if our audience wants to get in touch with you, maybe there is a parent out there right now that's got a student or a student doing it there. So if they want to find you and they want to get this book that's coming out or maybe they want to learn more about you, they want to work with you, where do you want to send them?

00:40:13:20 - 00:40:36:09
Jared Zeidman
To easy places. You can find me. I'm on most social media at Jared, the Coach, all one word and then the book and my website are the same name. So nail the recruiting process dot com. The book is Nail the Recruiting Process you can preorder it now. It's out April 30th and based on the feedback, I am like over the moon excited by the potential impact this project is going to have.

00:40:36:20 - 00:40:49:23
Jennifer Loehding
Mary Jo Well, congratulations to you. You're doing good work and I hope you continue to get better. I know it's a process, so hopefully you'll keep improving and get to the where you're feeling good and maybe get back on the back on the basketball court again.

00:40:50:13 - 00:40:52:17
Jared Zeidman
Thank you so much for having me, Jennifer. I appreciate you.

00:40:53:00 - 00:41:09:10
Jennifer Loehding
Absolutely. And of course, listeners, we appreciate you. Thank you for tuning in. Wherever you are tuning in from. And if enjoy the show, head on over to Apple. You can give us a review. There it at the subscribe button on YouTube and as I always say, in order to live the extraordinary, you must start. And every start begins with a decision.

00:41:09:16 - 00:41:31:22
Jennifer Loehding
You guys take care, be safe, be kind of one another. We will see you next time. Yeah.